Mother Trucker

A truck driver in Lowell, Massachusetts, has just reportedly choked on some value menu Wendy’s chili, passed out, and crashed into a home. The driver, luckily wasn’t injured but might receive a citation for eating while driving because of the incident. This doesn’t sound like a newsworthy story to me so much as a Saturday night out in rural Texas. And I’m supposing the report doesn’t tell us how he was eating the chili to sober up after the 7 whiskeys he guzzled when Myrlene Juggs, the red-headed exotic dancer and bartender at Bo Bob’s Gentleman’s Club and BBQ Buffet off Country Road 10, refused a date with him for the 35th time on account of she’s still technically married to Deputy Clem Watkins and he’s a real jealous type.